Whose Vision of Success?
I remember watching my son playing soccer. He looked great in his uniform. I was so proud of him and as he began to play, I was sure he was another David Beckham, maybe another Pele. I was prepared to spend nights, weekends, even school days getting him ready for his big career. That was MY vision of success. But fortunately, fate stepped in the way.
I was at one of his early soccer games where the opposing team’s parents just happened to be on the same side as my son’s team. After all, my son was 7 years old and it was for fun, why have opposing sides, right?
That’s the first day I heard it: “I want you to smash him! Knock him down!” The words echoed in my head for years after hearing one of the opposing team’s parents say that about my son. MY SON! Sure my son was tall for his age, but he was a gentle soul and wasn’t this a game of skill? Isn’t this the age where the kids are supposed to be learning fundamentals of the game? AND sportsmanship? Why hurt MY kid? While his father was yelling, the kid stood there confused, seemingly unwilling to follow his father’s instructions. The dad had one vision of success, his son had another.
Competition!
The competitor in me took over. I spoke to my son and told him don’t let anyone try to hurt him. I began to tell him techniques I learned in sports to combat such bullies. The problem was, my son looked at me the same way the other kid was looking at his dad. For them, this was just about having fun. Both kids acted like we had lost our minds and as the game unfolded, they played together and never once followed our advise. That’s when the thought occurred to me: Was this for my son or was this for me? Does he enjoy what he is doing or is he just doing it to please me?
Kids Might Know Before You
All of us know that children will start and stop things on a moment’s notice. They will see their favorite guitarist on tv and BAM! “I want to play guitar!” becomes their mantra. See their favorite tennis player win a match and all of sudden, you start getting tennis racket wish lists from your kid’s iPhone. So naturally when my son said he wanted to play drums, my wife and I were skeptical.
Drums were not our idea. We wanted him to become a piano player since we determined that pianists get a lot of work in the music industry. He was a preschool music student who transitioned into piano, and while he played very well, he didn’t show real excitement about the instrument. There were constant reminders to practice. Begrudgingly he would play, but not with the zeal of someone who LOVED what they did.
Just In Case...
When we bought his first drum kit, we hedged our bet and bought one of the cheapest ones out there…just in case. Well, we’re still waiting for “just in case” to set in.
From the moment he got his drum set (the first one), he took to drum lessons and drums like a fish to water. No more were we having to remind him to practice. He spent hours on YouTube looking for videos of famous drummers and practiced playing their styles until WE knew them just as much as he did.
HIS Vision Of Success
After we discovered his love for drums, we encouraged him to play and bought him several electric and acoustic kits. His excitement has never waned and turned into a drum teaching job as he got older. He still plays piano, doesn’t play soccer anymore (ok,soccer was my idea!) and after becoming an adult, he told us what he didn’t like about the experience. We found if we had listened to him early on, we would have discovered his first love: drums and music.
Think of us parents as people holding a toolbox full of tools. You can try every tool in the box, but only the right tool will fit and do the job. We learned to share our child’s vision of success and nurture it. It was the best thing we ever did and we now have a happy adult… all because we listened!
Your Kid's Vision of Success?
Wondering about your kid’s vision of success? Visit our Classes page with him/her and see what strikes a chord with them. That’s the first step to greatness!
